Is there a link between someone’s personality and their sexual fantasies? According to Justin J. Lehmiller who studied the personality traits and sexual fantasies of over 4000 Americans, what we fantasize about does indeed reflect who we are.
The results of his research suggests that five personality factors - openness to experience, extraversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness and agreeableness - play the central roles in human's sexual fantasies.
Openness to experience
People high in openness tend to be curious and imaginative. As they like to try new things and experiment in life in general, it's no surprise they show the greatest variability in the content of their fantasies - both conventional and taboo sex acts.
Extroverts vs Introverts
Extroverted people fantasize more about group sex and being in polyamorous relationships. In contrast, introverts are more interested in uncommon or taboo sexual activities. Lehmiller suggests that this might be due to introverts having a harder time establishing the types of sexual relationships they want which increases their propensity for developing unusual forms of sexual expression.
If you are neurotic and don’t cope well with stress, your sexual fantasies are more likely to focus on calming emotional content - romance and passion, and a loving partner. People with neurotic traits have fewer fantasies that include sex with more partners or trying new things, perhaps because there’s a high degree of uncertainty associated with these types of activities.
Conscientious individuals are very detailed-oriented and they have a tendency to conform to norms. They have more conventional attitudes when it comes to sex too - conscientious people have fewer taboo fantasies; they are less likely to fantasize about BDSM for example. On the other hand, their sexual fantasies are more detailed and focused on the settings in which sex acts take place.
This personality trait is characterized by caring about the well-being of others. Agreeable people don’t fantasize about things like emotionless sex, infidelity, BDSM or taboo acts. Instead, their sexual fantasies are prosocial and include themes of mutual pleasure. Agreeable individuals want to see their partners happy and enjoying themselves - both in bed and real life.
Men vs Women
Surprisingly, men and women are more similar in their sexual fantasies than previously thought.
Men fantasize about emotional content and fulfillment a lot more than expected, and women are not any less adventurous than their partners. However, Lehmiller’s research suggests that men are more likely to fantasize about a specific person whereas women place more importance on where they are having sex. Also, sexual fantasies of women tend to involve same-sex experience and BDSM more often, while men are generally more into taboo acts and gender-bending thoughts such as crossdressing.
So, how well does your personality reflect what you like to fantasize about in bed?
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